True Life: Megan Leigh

Sober and lonely

2007-04-01T01:12:00.000-07:00

I am so weird. lol, there is nothing normal about me; I am just an oddball!! I am a very happy person most of the time. I love people, I love my friends and I love life... but sometimes I just get REALLY sad... and nothing triggers it... it's just random and I can be anywhere.. i can be in a room with 293848 people and I just start to feel like the loneliest person in the entire world...

I'm not the loneliest person in the entire world...

so what sense does it make that I feel like this.

:(

what a f'ing rediculous night

2006-08-12T23:20:00.000-07:00

what a twilight night.. i was supposed to go out and get super drunk w/ molly cuz sehs been waisted the past two nights w/o me... heres the jist of everything...

we go to justins.. i get drunk.. we leave*sucky idea* we go NO FUCKING WHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! altell loses survice get really fucking pissed... go to a gay party... leave... go to a pot party... obviously leave... go to another gay party where ex boyfriend is smokikng pot.. an ex boyfriend who.... doesn't smoke pot..... weiiiiiiiiiiiird night

if i wake up and it's sat again and it was a ll a dream i wouldn't be surprised

I, MeganLeigh, am in LUB!

2006-08-08T22:12:00.000-07:00

i am in lub with a boy! a boy i have said two words to "i know..." he is perfect.. he lives in washington state.. he's not even that cute.. but i am obsessed w/ him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mmmmmmmm the wonderful land of lub...

miss ya cuddlebear... im callin u sometime this week!

rush starts monday.. kill me now

if it weren't for lub... i'd be pesimistic.. (sp?)

The Introduction To The Wonderful Life Of BACHLERETTE PARTIES!

2006-07-18T23:05:00.000-07:00

Well now, where to start. first and foremust i must make one statement clear.. the only disappointment i experienced with my first bachlerette party was that there were no strippers. :*( one single tear and i'm over it.. moving on to the better half of what happened.. YAYSERS!

I began the day feeling slightly awkward about the events that would take place.. I am underage and wasn't sure on the older girls' thoughts on underage drinking, especially since Amanda and I were the only ones.. but here is how i met the "bachlerette party planner" if you will.

Me: "Hi, I'm Megan, Joey's little sister's best friend. nice to meet you *cordial handshake ;)*
Kari: " I'm Kari. I know you're underage.... *semi-long pause, begining to feel slightly nervous* Beer's in the fridge, vodka on the counter.. get yourself a drink. *walks away*"

HAHAHAHAHA!! so from there on out *one thirty at the pool* amanda and I made ourselves comfortable in our new environment. haha. so we were there from about 130-500 ish and then amanda and i came home, showered and got dressed to go in the limo. Again I felt slightly nervous about what would happen in the limo.. but i had NO idea what lay before me...

So the limo picked us up.. not just a limo.. a hummer limo.. and we all got in and immediately started drinking beer.. amanda and i drank sarah's bitchbeer which was amazing.. so we're drinking and laughing and singing and the limo is tight.. cuz it's a limo.. but the air didn't work very well... soooooo we UPGRADED!!!!!! to the PARTY BUS! which may sound gay but is THE sweetest thing i have EVER been on!!!!!! no joke, from then on out we all had bottles of strawberry champaigne and we were just dancing around non-stop.. falling over and whatnot.. I WAS SOOO DRUNK! it was insano.. so then i accidently ripped my shirt off.. which i'm pissed about, brand new from MOA .. but whatever, totally worth it.. i also learned how to do the booty shake.. and kicked it w/ 12 of the coolest girls i've EVER met!

So then we got to the bar at around 1100 and amanda and i couldn't get in cuz it was a 21 bar and we are.. yes thats right.. 18.. so Shawn and Evan picked us up.. as to what we did, i'm not sure.. and then obviously i did a lil internet hopping..

the best part is.. i couldn't even walk when i got home.. and i completelly stumbled up the stairs... literally falling every other step.. i know i talked to mom bu ti have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I SAID! and I had a huge hangover the next day and puked and stuff.. but they weren't home cuz my lil sis had a bowling tourny.. so they NEVER found out that i drank!!! wow what a night

the only other thing i can say.. when i get engaged.. my girls better plan on strippers ;)
<33Megs.. the bachlerette party crasher

Independance Day

2006-07-05T09:20:00.000-07:00

hm so i think my independance day backfired... (and it was two years not three) anyway.. it turned out to be a reunion instead.. oh the tangled drama of Megan Leigh... just imagine

Update for the masses

2006-07-03T22:46:00.000-07:00

I know EVERYONE is dying to know how my lifes going so here goes... well i made amanda really mad.. and thats always exciting because she makes life a living hell when she's mad... haha.. i understand why shes upset and dissapointed but i don't understand why she has to make it so huge.. so theres a lil tidbit.. lets see what else? i met a cute boy the other day... he was cute.. that is all.. lol ... one of my good friends flunked out of college.. again big excitement there... hm what else............

tomorrow marks the third year of my independance from Jake Johnson... seems we have a lot to be grateful for.. tehe
I"m rich Bitch
<3Megs

Lappy

2006-06-30T09:22:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this here blog on my new comp!! i call him Lappy :) cuz strongbad calls his lappy and i want to be strongbad.. actually i want to be homestarrunner buuuuuut i'd take ne of um ! :) :) :) :) well thats about it for now...

<3megsta

if torture were any other word it would be girl friends

2006-06-25T21:34:00.001-07:00

OMG! girls are soo full of drama. not the kind that you like to sit and watch on the tv, but the bitchy kind.. the kind you want to kick in the shins and run from.. ok so maybe the kind you like to watch on the tv.

no, in seriousness.. i hate girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they fight, and they get mad and I never do anything wrong.. " well molly's ur friend so you are responsible for her actions, therefore because she said something bad i'm mad at you!"

"no megan, you're supposed to make sure amanda, the girl who gets mad about everything, doesn't ever get mad at my spoiled ass so I'm leaving!"

gei.
Megs

if torture were any other word it would be girl friends

2006-06-25T21:34:00.000-07:00

drunk=depressant.. my bad

2006-06-16T23:11:00.000-07:00

if i couldve just remembered those simple words.. alcohol is a depressant. i feel like shit.. complete shit.. i have only felt this bad once in my entire life, and obviously i'm sober enought to blame it on alcohol and spell it correctly.. so wtf is wrong with me?? knowing Nick is right next door doesn't make it n e better.. why am i so fucked up.. this just fucking blows.. if people couldve just been happy for me instead of putting me down all the time about our relationship maybe i wouldn't feel so god damn shitty.. i don't want to blame other people.. but i can't help it.. everyone tries to tell me what to do and being the people pleaser that i am i always listen and see where that got me.. unhappy. why can't people just let me be happy... i don't want to cry n e more. but i miss him a lot. a lot more that people know and that is the worst part about it.

homstarunr

2006-06-15T19:55:00.000-07:00

All I have to say is.. LAZER QUEST ROOOOOOOCKKKKKKKKS :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

i will shoot you.

~Homstarunr... (thats my alias TEHHEEE)

Ultimate Crush

2006-06-14T10:12:00.000-07:00

So, I am wondering.. does everyone have an Ultimate Crush. definition: Maybe someone you've dated or just someone you've known for a long time and had a crush on and you don't really want/need to be with this person but you know that you will crush on them forever. Just like, in the back of your mind you know that you will love this person forever. Hm cuz i have one! lol. it's kind of weird though because it's not like i want to be with him, i really don't want to date him... but i know that he is my dream guy and i'll crush on him till the day i die. lol.. hmm odd? idk.. who here has an ultimate crush?

a lil Q and A for the folks at home ;)
<3Megs

when the lights go out, move location.

2006-06-12T22:55:00.000-07:00

So tonight was killer fun! I went to Holmes Lake and played sand volleyball with the most random people ever! and i saw people i haven't seen since graduation, which hasn't been that long but still.. it was soo fun! then the lights turned off and we all went to this kids house and just chilled. it was uber fun, it reminded me of how much fun summer can be.

i don't think i'm going back to HyVee.. lazy or smart idk?

<3 all my love, Megs

consider it even, megan 0 world 0 we all win with losing numbers

2006-06-12T15:36:00.000-07:00

So, it seems the world is not perfect and does not revolve around me, too bad, i had my whole theory worked out and written in ink. Now my manuscripts must be burned and thrown in the wind as a whisping reminder of my scientific retardation. :)

So this summer is mysteriously dissapearing and nothing is going the way i want it to. i have no motivation to complete the tasks i'd decided to accomplish this summer and so my hopes of ever reaching my goals are deteriorating as i type. literally, i could be doing something else *coughruncough* but instead i decide to sulk and type at my computer which i could do any time of the day.

What a tragic box this mind can be....
girl did not get the guy.. shut the storybook.

<3Megan "the stud" Leigh

Thought of the day...

2006-06-08T19:10:00.000-07:00

You know what I was thinking just now... do ya? i was thinking @!#$ boys.

This is a summer of celebration. I will not cry on the shoulder of another, i will rise above the emotions and settle for nothing but the best of the best ! because today is my day and so is tomorrow and the next, and what a waist it would be to sit here and cry.

crying sucks.

crying over. beleted. < compliments of homestarrunner.com

<3> Leigh

Flusteration

2006-06-07T22:19:00.000-07:00

I am fairly flustered/frustrated about a pretty sucky sitch that i have continuously in the back of my mind, itching to surface. i miss someone who i should not miss. and they couldn't care less about the entire situation. 1. this is completely selfish of me to even consider being upset about it, i was the one who pushed the other away. 2. i should b over it, thats what i do. get over it and move on. 3. i hate feeling hopelessness.

its upsetting to not get my way.

A message from the spoiled brat society :/

Bittersweet

2006-05-31T21:09:00.000-07:00

Today was a very Bittersweet day. It was my very last day of high school. Yes folks *folks is code word for Courtney* Megan Leigh has graduated from high school.. amazing i'm know! So why bittersweet and not just SaWEET.. well actually i'm a little bit sad from this recent upgrade. As I walked out of my last class... ever... I felt a tinge of sadness in my heart. Then I went to Rheta's house, this lady that I hang out with on Tuesdays and Wednesdays cuz she has alzheimers...<--iDk how to spell that S... anyway, I love hanging out with her! i think that she is an amazingly funny and bright woman, but as i entered the comfort of her living room, i felt another short tinge of sadness, thinking of the rapid strain that rapidly forces her into forgetfulness, and sometimes she doesn't even remember me! not only a sad thought, considering I hang out with her twice a week, but also a scary thought, i never want to lose my memories... Another small bitterness that took away from my graduation excitement is the fact that i broke up w/ a boy today.. not so much it was sad for me, but it sucked doing it because he would not let it happen without a fight!! I don't like boyfriends.. i'm not much of a "tied down" kinda girl.. and he just didn't get it.. another thing that makes this anecdote somewhat humerous is the fact that we'd been dating for two weeks.. and he was literally distraught about it.. hm i think i made a good choice.. can you imagine what would happen if it woulda been a year or something.. nope.. me either. ANY WAY.. while the bitter taste resides in my mouth.. it was still a semisweet day, which makes it better than a bad day.. so Rock On Nebraska!! keep the good times a'rolling AND GRADUATION BITCHES!
<3
MEGs

wowsers

2006-05-27T05:44:00.000-07:00

So I've been reading through some previous blogs that I wrote and I realize my demeanor was rather ..... depressed... i'd just like to step in and say, i'm not that depressed. I suppose younger days had me a lil upset but as of now i'm feeling fine, so if you were worried, you as in the hypothetical person that reads this blog, you don't have to worry anymore! :)

The only thing thats really getting me down today is the fact that it's raining cats and dogs outside and it's the day of my Grad Party.. thats right people, my backyard hawiian tiki torch shindig and it's all going to be ruined because God hates me....

Other than that.... i'm just a regular girl.

Contemplation: my brains worst enemy

2005-12-23T21:49:00.000-08:00

I was so bummed out tonight. i don't understand why people break plans, further more, why people break plans by not answering their phones. i am an overly-anxious, depressed girl.. i have no troubles admitting to that, and thats why this sucks so fricking bad.. i look at this situation and i know that it is not that bad.. but when one little thing bums me out it takes every happy emotion out of me. i can't even function normally right now because i am so emotionally distraught .. it could be because i haven't seen my best friend in months because either we have randomly been avoiding eachother.. and then we make plans to hang out tonight.. we made these plans like four days ago and i followed up on them every single day.. and then when i call her she doesnt answer.. twice.. and when i call her boyfriend, who she's with, he answers and then says that he'll tell her that i called and i still don't get a call back.. i wonder if she even feels bad.. because i don't think she even realizes how bad she's made me feel. i know i should just get over it and move on.. but i can't do that.. and that pisses me off even more.
but my exterior will be over it.. soo merry christmas everyone.. with sad sad smiles and tears of plastered joy.
Megan

mmm

2005-10-11T18:45:00.000-07:00

Oh Homestar.. how i love thee

The Past Is Real

2005-10-10T16:44:00.000-07:00

So i was going through my closet today because my family is having yet another garage sale coming up here in a bit.. anyway I'm an avid Journal person.. not only online but on paper also ;) lol. See this is how it goes.. I get journals all of the time for my birthday's and such and I'll keep a journal for about a month.. maybe two and then i'll get bored and i'll just stick it in my closet and then the next time i get a journal as a gift i start that one and then stick it in my closet.. u know a continuous neverending cycle

so i was looking through my closet and i found this journal that i'd kept when i was like 11 and i read it and it was so cute! i was such a loser! it talks about boys that i think are cute and whatever and it's just funny to read it.. and then the last page was me when i was 15 and it was like "hey .. well i found this and thought i'd update... i'm 15 now! can you believe it!" lol and i just looked at that and had to have a giggle.. lol it's like reading someone elses journal.. everything is so weird because i don't remember writing that stuff! and now, being a big bad 18 year old i wrote in it again.. and stored it away.. to later find it and have another little giggle.

Then i found ANOTHER journal! my journal from the begining of two summers ago! aww that was fun to read! because it wasn't that long away yet i still didn't remember writing it so it was just fun to see how much fun i had that summer.. it's like so happy that it makes me sad.. you know that it's already gone.. ne way i found a letter that i wrote to myself this summer it was like "don't let people get you down, i know your emotions are fragile but you can beat them. They don't mean that they don't like you you just take it that way. Look forward and be happy every second you can. don't hide your emotions either.. they are fragile but you are strong, if they break you can fix them. i'm proud of you and i know you will do well" I wrote it to myself.. it's so weird.. but it was nice.. to know that i had such a good grasp on my emotions at some point in time and it just really reminded me that i need to try to get that back because it's time.. i've had enough hiding.. it's time. it pretty much made my day to know that I (16) was proud of me now (18) and even though it is the dumbest thing that i could have ever written.. it meant a lot.. like someone else was saying it.. but it was me.. so it almost means more.. hmm well those are just some thoughts

and yes i am keeping a journal on paper now.. ;) that won't last long tho.

You learn something new everyday

2005-10-09T20:06:00.000-07:00

If i have learned one thing this week.. it is stay off line when you're not thinking right.. o man! commenting is crazy when you think you're being clever and really you are not *court read my xanga tehe*

OH AND THANKS FOR CALLING ME BACK U FOOL!
megs

Which Song..?!

2005-10-08T17:44:00.000-07:00

I don't fujucking know.. ur song!

If I could Be anything..

2005-10-07T22:32:00.000-07:00

I would be song.

A life without Blog...

2005-10-05T19:47:00.000-07:00

Oh man, what a dreary place that would be. Cold, Dark, and Just plain unhappy. You wake up one morning, the air is crisp, the sun is just stretching across the pale blue sky. You heat up that cup of Java you've been dreaming about ever so carelessly. You Yawn. You smile to yourself.. what a life what a life. "Hm, I will check my emails," you say, nonchalantly, as you do every morning. Aw, what a life indeed. The gentle clicks of the ever so familiar keyboard sound as you routinely go through the motions to wake up your computer and join the, already half a billion people across the world, on the life we so subtly call "The Internet." As you type in the URL that seemingly holds your destiny, you ever so calmly sip the not so hot coffee sitting to the right of your mouse bad. And with one unconciously giant leap of faith you click "return" unknowing of what awaits you. Approximately 1.24 seconds whisps passed and as the irritation starts to rise you put the mug down. The mug that you have used every morning for at least the passed month no longer seems appealing to you. 2.55 seconds. How in the world could you have been making coffee when all you needed to do was blog. 3.44 seconds. And then, the unthinkable happens. A rectangle, no bigger than your last report card, pops up where your nicely HTML"D page is supposed to be. "could not find server. press reload." No No No! Crazy thoughts jump in and out of your mind. Your once calmed and sultry fingers now stab at the mouse that you know and love. clicking, desiring, waiting. no longer seconds, but minutes pass by. A tear escapes the corner of your left eye. No blog? what a life.. what a life.. what a life indeed.

LOL! mm blogging.. thank GOD it finally worked!
Megs

I will always.

2005-10-04T19:11:00.000-07:00

Mm I watched "Moulin Rouge" today :). (Compliments of the ever so amazing Courtney Paige. Thank you) I cried .. I cried a LOT! It was such a weird movie but it was so emotional! I've been realizing lately that I will never get my fairy tale romance. I know I know! I'm 18 I don't even know what love is.. and it's true, I don't. But the love that I want doesn't exist. I've always been overly afraid of being alone. If there is a phobia where you can't be alone, I have it. And for the life of me I do not want to end up alone, the fat cat lady... that may very well be my worst nightmare. But I don't want anything less than what I want and what I want is impossible. How does that work!? It doesn't.. thats called compromise, but, Courtney, as only you would know on this here blog, I do NOT compromise well.

My Male Wish List:
I want the telltale romance where we both see eachother across the street/at the concert/in the mall/at the louvre (location of little importance as of late) And we KNOW, no doubts, not resistence.. just an incredible connection stronger than any comfort ever embraced by a soul. Then as anyone would do we ignore this emotional tug and go our seperate ways. For the next week/week and a half we both toss and turn in our beds, how could we let that go? why did I not go and talk to him? we were meant to be together! Then randomly, when it feels all hope of regaining happiness, regaining that once true unexplainable feeling is lost we meet again. Across the street/ at the concert/ in the mall/ at the louvre (location still last in importance) But how can this be ignored, we must talk, it is fate. Our destiny revealed in each other. In the daylight, with the blinding crowd of people, it is only him and I, I and him, hand in hand emotionally. Not talking, but knowing. And knowing feels so good. Never again would I look at another boy, not out of guilt but because boys don't exist anymore, only him. Him and I. Completely, genuinely, movie-fashioned, In Love.

Head Over Heels In Love

If I ever write a movie (which is the only REAL thing I long to do, besides meet mister right) And a character in my movie dies, her last words to her lover would be "I will Always.".. I will always... if ever three words could be so poetic. mm

Obsessing about the hour glass

2005-10-03T20:07:00.000-07:00

So as far as my days go today was just fine and dandy. I went jogging today because I decided my obsession with laziness just wasn't working out and i saw four squirrels in one yard.. they were all anxiously jumping around and when they saw me they all fought to climb up the same tree... now in my complete state of mental toughness *jogging* i found myself smiling.. smiling and jogging. can you imagine what a sight that must have been? Jogging is not my forte.. but i try. hmm what a day what a day.

We'll laugh about it like we knew what was going to happen..

2005-10-02T19:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I suppose I will start a regular blog pattern here on Blogspot. It was my philosophy that having 5 blogs and only writing in one was sufficient, but as I've learned with different audiences come different opinions. So hello.. my name is Megan. I am a unique, energetic, confused, messed up 18 year old, but how many 18 year olds can say they're all together? Not many. I'd go with the word "average" but because of the taunting illusions that word marks on my mind I tend to stray from it. I find that my life takes turns almost every day. I don't know how interesting one life can be, but I can garauntee you one thing: the truth. I display my feelings as well as I can when I feel them. So with no further adu : True Life : Megan Leigh

Saphire rings of amber hate: how can living feel so small?

2005-10-01T09:32:00.000-07:00

How can this life we seem to lead, tempt us to leave reality. How are our minds manipulated through our own self thought?! Why do we feel so lonely; so tired, when we know that we are not. Can you tell me why my tears flow daily, why my emotions seem to twist in knots. Can you lead my on my faithless journey, my soul is weak and I can not. My eyes feel heavy, my heart feels empty, so alone so alone so alone. My only option is to navigate my own pity to an unreality ununiform spot. When i feel so weak so tired so alone I cry for myself and nobody knows. how can i feel so fucking pathetic, when i feel my life should be more. Can you just PLEASE tell me what i should do because I don't want to live like this anymore. I feel so pathetic.. but theres nothing i can do.

Give me your strength...

2005-09-18T19:08:00.000-07:00

Advice for life:Always decide things for yourself but let the people you care about help you in your decisions. Be rational and understanding. Listen and learn from others.. don't judge and don't be angry because someone doesnt agree. Let people be happy, but find your own happiness. Be selfish when it matters, but always give back to other people, especially your friends. Cherish people because of them and not because of ideas. Find yourself in your own time.. don't let people rush you and don't let people tell you who you are. Our time is limited BE HAPPY. Don't worry if you are confusing when you are confused, your just trying to figure things out. Be blunt but don't make people feel bad. Make friends and keep them. Show your emotions but don't make up your emotions.

this is for courtney

2005-09-03T23:03:00.000-07:00

well court.. i got this so i could comment on your uber intellegent blogs.. chicken what! i love this font! anyway.. u r one lucky thing to have a sister like me :)
Megs