I will always.

Mm I watched "Moulin Rouge" today :). (Compliments of the ever so amazing Courtney Paige. Thank you) I cried .. I cried a LOT! It was such a weird movie but it was so emotional! I've been realizing lately that I will never get my fairy tale romance. I know I know! I'm 18 I don't even know what love is.. and it's true, I don't. But the love that I want doesn't exist. I've always been overly afraid of being alone. If there is a phobia where you can't be alone, I have it. And for the life of me I do not want to end up alone, the fat cat lady... that may very well be my worst nightmare. But I don't want anything less than what I want and what I want is impossible. How does that work!? It doesn't.. thats called compromise, but, Courtney, as only you would know on this here blog, I do NOT compromise well.

My Male Wish List:
I want the telltale romance where we both see eachother across the street/at the concert/in the mall/at the louvre (location of little importance as of late) And we KNOW, no doubts, not resistence.. just an incredible connection stronger than any comfort ever embraced by a soul. Then as anyone would do we ignore this emotional tug and go our seperate ways. For the next week/week and a half we both toss and turn in our beds, how could we let that go? why did I not go and talk to him? we were meant to be together! Then randomly, when it feels all hope of regaining happiness, regaining that once true unexplainable feeling is lost we meet again. Across the street/ at the concert/ in the mall/ at the louvre (location still last in importance) But how can this be ignored, we must talk, it is fate. Our destiny revealed in each other. In the daylight, with the blinding crowd of people, it is only him and I, I and him, hand in hand emotionally. Not talking, but knowing. And knowing feels so good. Never again would I look at another boy, not out of guilt but because boys don't exist anymore, only him. Him and I. Completely, genuinely, movie-fashioned, In Love.

Head Over Heels In Love

If I ever write a movie (which is the only REAL thing I long to do, besides meet mister right) And a character in my movie dies, her last words to her lover would be "I will Always.".. I will always... if ever three words could be so poetic. mm